Short Bus Shorty

Listen, I'm not saying I'm into infanticide, I just thought maybe we could avoid this sort of thing.

Double Tie-Dye, Oh My God.

Girl, don't go away mad (JUST GO AWAY) so I can watch your meat canyon eat up some more of that rainbow you're wearing. What does it mean? It's full on.

Hippies In The Garbage

My theory of John Candy being alive and disguised as something foul has been realized.

How Was Your Thanksgiving?

Booty calls are turning into booty texts and I get them too often.

OH, I get it. Like a live fish.

Working in the music industry is glamorous until you're forced to go to a festival with a hippie band headlining.

Eeyore's Fucking Birthday

Every year in Austin there is a festival called Eeyore's birthday. It actually ENCOURAGES hippies to gather in drum circles, costumes and crust baths. It's fucking disgusting - which is why I didn't go. Big ups to my gloriously unpaid intern, Bonnie Beaver, for enduring this "festival" and taking this awful video footage. Love you, beavs. Also, congratulations to me for posting my first video to youtube. Prime cinema!

Hail Seitan!

A couple of mouth breathers wrote a song that I can get behind.