Namaste-rrible!

I love LOST, but this f*cking hippie has got to go. So he can speak ancient-Island. Who cares. Even Baby Aaron could kick this guy's ass. Why do the bad guys in this show have to be hippies? I'd much prefer an ass kicking bad guy that didn't look like he peed the bed until the age of 30. And LOOK at that SOUL PATCH.

However, LOST did redeem itself in this episode later, because even dressed in ugly hippie clothes, Rob McElhenny could never look like anything but Mac.

"This music sounds like whales raping each other!"

Karma Chameleon

You can't just show up to a coffee shop looking like that. It frightens people. Grown people.

I was about to say something, until she turned around.

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F*CKING HIPPIES Q&A JAM SESSION*

Sometimes I get questions from people who are worried that what they are doing classifies them as a hippie. I thought it would be nice to share these questions with you in order to displace unsure feelings and give you some outsider insight into whether or not you should take a bath.

Q: Does it make me a hippie if i want to grow indoor hydro chiles in my closet?

A: I'd like to answer in the form of a classic "Pros Vs. Cons" list.

Pros:

Spicy food is delicious.

Other things grown hydroponically don't tend to disappoint, and chiles are legal!

Growing your own peppers could possibly eliminate jobs being "stolen" from Americans, so the Americans don't have anything to complain about.

Your closet is your closet, and you are not trying to plant chiles in vacant lots, other people's backyards, or street medians like these fucking hippies:



Those flowers are going to look great with dog/homeless piss all over them. Also, I can't eat a sunflower.


CONS:

See previous photos.

Red Hot Chili Peppers are still a band.

Your friends may be disappointed when they realize they can't smoke what you're growing in your closet and revolt with the angst of 30 juvenile delinquents.

This comes dangerously close to gardening outside, which brings you even closer to almost being a hippie.


Hmm. Seems like the Pros outweigh the Cons -- this time. Just make sure you keep it in your closet and out of the median.





*NOT THE KIND OF JAM SESSION WHERE A LOT OF DUDES PLAY SCALES FOR HOURS WITHOUT WRITING ANY ACTUAL SONGS.

They're Not People, They're Hippies!

Stan: So it seems like we have enough people now. When do we start taking down the corporations?
Hippie (takes a drag on his joint): Yeah man, the corporations. Right now they're raping the world for money!
Kyle: Yeah, so, where are they? Let's go get 'em.
Hippie: Right now we're proving we don't need corporations. We don't need money. This can become a commune where everyone just helps each other.
Hippie: Yeah, we'll have one guy who like, who like, makes bread. A-and one guy who like, l-looks out for other people's safety.
Stan: You mean like a baker and a cop?
Hippie: No no, can't you imagine a place where people live together and like, provide services for each other in exchange for their services?
Kyle: Yeah, it's called a town.

You Don't F*CK With The Jesus

This is the day that Jesus found out that:

1) God was not in fact his dad

2) His mom was "kinda slutty" and a liar

3) His meth problem was about to get a lot worse.

Coincidentally, it is also the day he finally broke down and put up a "Casual Encounters" ad in craigslist and started singing for Incubus.

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Like A Surgeon

Ahh, the "OLD SKOOL" hippie. Emphasis on the "kool, man." I want to say more about this hippie but at the moment I'm not entirely sure that he's not Randy Quaid.

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But, why hippies?

People ask me all the time why I have a problem with hippies. "But they're so peaceful and accepting." Bullshit. Have you ever met a new hippie? Do you see them have friends that aren't hippies? Elitism. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that they all take care of themselves so we, the general public, don't have to.

They're always telling you what to eat, how to dress, and they fucking stink. One time my friend who I watched transform into a hippie with my very own eyes told me that my bangs were in fact blocking my chi from asserting my power as a woman, and that this was proven because it was started by Genghis Khan. And don't even get me started on patchouli.

I'll wear my hair how I want, I don't feel like growing my own vegetables, I like Oprah better than okra and I would never use Dr. Bronner's for even one of it's 1001 uses. If you live where I live you'd find them barefoot at the river, constantly rolling around in dirt, then water, then dirt again to which I have nothing more to say than "FUCKING HIPPIES..."

Thanks to my pal Katherine for sending me this photo of a sign that's posted somewhere I'd like to live.

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